Save Hostess / Save the World!

We live in troubling times.  Yes, these are times of violence, wars, economic crisis and TV shows like Wife Swap.  Perhaps even more concerning than all of the aforementioned problems is the current financial woes of Hostess Brands Inc.  On January 11, 2012, Hostess filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection to confront burdensome debt and labor costs that the Twinkies and Wonder Bread baker says have left it fighting to compete.

HOW COULD THIS BE?!?!  The Hostess web site (http://www.hostesscakes.com/) indicates that approximately 500,000,000 Twinkies are produced each year.  In addition to Twinkies, Hostess has come up with more home runs in the form of Ding Dongs, Cup Cakes, Ho Hos, and other tasty morsels made from magical ingredients that preserve the snack cakes in pristine condition for years.  I believe Twinkies have a half-life longer than Plutonium 239.  For the record, I want the world to know that I am not personally to blame for the financial woes of this company!  I have done my share to keep this company afloat.  Yearly, I make it a goal to consume three or four Hostess Snack Cakes… per day, and I have been known to overachieve.  How can any company that makes and sells 500,000,000 of anything be in financial trouble?  This is a catastrophe on the scale of… hmmm, words fail me here… let’s see… SOMETHING REALLY BAD!

So, I am making a plea.  This year when you are filling – and I think Hostess invented the word filling – out your tax forms, forget about donating a dollar to your political party.  Forget about donating a dollar to reduce the national deficit.  I am asking you to select “other” and write-in “Hostess.”  And give till it hurts, brother!  If all of us donate $50 to help Hostess out, there will be Cherry Fruit Pies and SnoBalls for all of us for years to come!  If every adult in America donated $50, that would be hundreds of dollars! Has there ever been a more noble cause?  And don’t try to convince me that Sara McLaughlin’s sad commercials about animals would be a better cause.  This is about saving Hostess and saving the world!  If I could put sad music with this blog, it would beat Sara’s commercial hands down!

Without Hostess Snack Cakes around, what will convenience stores and gas stations sell?  Think about it!  And if you are still not on board with my “Save Hostess / Save the World” campaign, what I am about to tell you should clinch the deal.  The New York Times ran a story about deep frying Twinkies.  I quote from the article "Something magical occurs when the pastry hits the hot oil. The creamy white vegetable shortening filling liquefies, impregnating the sponge cake with its luscious vanilla flavor... The cake itself softens and warms, nearly melting, contrasting with the crisp, deep-fried crust in a buttery and suave way. The pièce de résistance, however, is a ruby-hued berry sauce, adding a tart sophistication to all that airy sugary goodness" ("Fry That Twinkie, But Hold the Chips". The New York Times. 2002-05-15. Retrieved 2012-02-08).  Sounds good, but wouldn’t that make the Twinkie unhealthy?

 

Hostess Fruit Pies are muy delicioso (that’s Spanish for “cost effective and nutritious).  A Hostess Apple Fruit Pie only has 470 calories and is 31% fat, of which only 50% is saturated fat.  Want to know how to make that even better?  Wrap it in Bacon, my friend!

Think I am getting a little ridiculous?  Perhaps it is you that has been a little short sighted.  On the aforementioned Hostess web site, there are recipes for each of the snack cakes.  There are twenty-two recipes for Twinkies.  Yup!  Why just eat your Twinkie when you could have “Chocolate Twinkie Smores”?  Or “Pumpkin Twinkie Dessert”?

It is time for you to step up to the plate and help save the Hostess Snack Cakes for generations to come.  I can’t do this all by myself!  Do you care about this world or not?  Put your money where your mouth is.  No, better yet donate your tax refund to Hostess and put a deep fried Twinkie where your mouth is!