I am a part-time EMT and Firefighter for the small town where I live. It has taken me years of training to reach the levels of certification that I now possess. There is little pay, and I have invested hundreds and hundreds of hours of training. When people ask me why I decided to do this in my forties, I answer something about wanting to help the community and save lives. If my daughters are nearby they usually say “Midlife crisis” while rolling their eyes and being embarrassed. The real reason has nothing to do with either of the above responses.
I live a life of deprivation and sacrifice that few on this planet know or should have to experience. That’s right, my family has no cable or satellite television in our home. Never had it, and likely never will. My wife insists that our money is better spent on frivolous things such as our children, food and a house. I’m not kidding! She would rather pay for piano lessons (which are only once a week) rather than have DAILY helpings of SpongeBob Square Pants, The Simpsons, NASCAR, I Survived, MythBusters, Everything on the History Channel and Discovery Channel, Man vs. Wild, and many other options. Not only do I pay to have our children take piano lessons, I get to listen to them practice daily. Clearly you see my dilemma, but few of you know my pain.
I am relegated to a nine inch TV with four PBS options and a couple of other local channels. Now, just for clarification, I am the man of the house and I do wear the pants. What I say goes! It is the law! But I asked my wife (again) if I could lay down the law and order a satellite dish and she said “No.” So, I choose not to lay down the law.
This is the real reason I became an EMT and Firefighter. The fire station that I work at has cable television, and if we are not training, and if it is past 6:00 PM, and if we are not on a fire or ambulance call, we can watch TV! There is nothing that bonds men together like watching Swamp Loggers, Deadliest Catch, Nazi UFO Conspiracy, Shark Week, River Monsters and other similar educational and cultural programs! Rather than sit around and let brain cells die, watching cable TV is the best way to keep our mental edge finely tuned.
Of course, there is both good and bad on cable and satellite TV. It behooves each viewer to use discernment and sound judgment when selecting what to watch and how much to watch. For some bizarre reason, when you purchase a satellite or cable TV package about 80% of the listings deal with cooking or home shopping. What a bunch of swill! Watching those programs could be worse than watching paint dry, or using your head as a mallet. And at the fire station, we all “get it!” We intuitively know which programs are worth watching. I am one of the boys there! We share a special bond.
By the way, of the four PBS channels that I get at home, there is usually at least one offering of some show depicting life in the early 1800s, such as Emma, Cranford, Northanger Abbey, Pride and Prejudice and so forth. The plot of all of these shows is to have men dress up with ruffles and semi-tights, while the women bicker and gossip about other women, except for one sane woman and that is the woman who will find true love. Really? Find a new plot, people! Five minutes of that can be mind numbing. And each of these aforementioned PBS shows is really a mini-series that has multiple episodes! Same plot (if you can call it that), drug on and beaten to death. That’s not entertainment! I would rather have a root canal rather than listen to hours of old women gossiping and bickering. Where are the explosions, eating of insects, an alligator lunging for a man from Florida who fishes for carp with his bare hands?
A while back I got to see Bear Grylls in Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel at the fire station. In a stroke of genius, the producers invited Will Ferrell to team up with Bear Grylls for one episode. The two of them were dropped off by a helicopter (actually, rappelled out of a helicopter) some place deep inside the Arctic Circle in -20 temperatures. Their task was to survive for forty-eight hours in the frozen tundra. Once on the ground and before they had taken ten steps, Bear gives Will his supplies which include a bottle of water, flint and steel, a knife and an emergency Twinkie to split between the two of them – only to be eaten if all else fails. Bear then goes off to scout the area and Will immediately eats their emergency Twinkie… all within three minutes of landing. Bear finds out about it and scolds his companion to which Will replies, “I panicked.”
Bear immediately begins to build a shelter, which prompts Will gets out his knife and place it between his teeth. He volunteers to guard the perimeter all the while kneeling next to Bear who is working. Will reports to Bear after ten seconds that he has secured the perimeter. Now that’s entertainment!
Yes, I work at the fire station. Is it really any wonder? I get to see real shows and I don’t have to pay the cable bill! It’s a sweet gig! Oh, and I get to serve the community and save lives.
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