Think More Better!

In the early days, the space race was about who could send a monkey into orbit, followed by sending a man into orbit.  Then the race switched to who could put a man on the moon with a monkey as the commander of the mission.  I might be getting details wrong here, but you get the idea.  Next, it was about who could land on the sun with monkeys (at night of course when it is cooler).  And from all of this we somehow got Planet of the Apes!   The first person from planet Earth to eat in space was, not surprisingly, the first person in space.   His name was Yuri Gagarin.   He was a Russian cosmonaut who orbited the Earth in 1961.   His first meal?   A tube of beef and liver paste – true story.   The first three letters of his last name are only coincidental, but apropos in this case.   His orbital flight only took 108 minutes.   Why in the world would you eat a tube of beef and liver paste on such a short flight?   Just ...

I went to Hill Field Elementary School during my childhood.  Each grade from kindergarten through 6 th  grade had three classes.  While I really had no complaints about the teachers that I had during those formative years, I always seemed to be assigned to the one teacher each year that did not take their students on a field trip.  My siblings all went on at least one field trip each year at the same school.  I even pleaded with my Mom to write a note allowing me to skip my class for a day so I could go on a field trip with a different teacher.  My Mom would reassure me that sooner or later I would get to go on a field trip with my own class.  Part of wanting to go on a field trip stemmed from my desire to ride in a school bus.  I had never ridden in one of those iconic big yellow buses, and I felt deprived.  Of course, the other reason was to skip a day of school and have some fun! Years came and went, and I was assigned to Mr. Mellor’s 6 ...

Twelve and thirteen-year-old boys are the goofiest creatures on planet earth.  I should know.  I was one.  From birth to age five, boys are cute and wonderful.  By age twelve, they have devolved into adolescent freaks of nature.  Me?  I was buck-toothed and wore thick-rimmed glasses on my hulking seventy-pound frame.  My metal-braced teeth entered rooms inches before the rest of my face.  Awkward doesn’t begin to describe me at that age.  The only hope for a twelve-year-old is that time will propel him on to manhood.  At age twelve I belonged to a scout troop in Utah that was connected to our ecclesiastical unit, or ward .  A man on military assignment moved into our ward.  I’ll call him Buck Baker.  I’ve changed his name to protect the guilty.  He was appointed to a leadership position in our clergy.  In his civilian occupation he was a f...

We live in troubling times my friend.  Yes, these are times of political woes, violence, wars, economic crisis and TV shows like the Bachelorette.  Perhaps even more concerning than all of this is the recent financial woes of Hostess Brands Inc.  On January 11, 2012, Hostess filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection to confront burdensome debt and labor costs that the Twinkies and Wonder Bread baker says have left it fighting to compete. HOW COULD THIS BE?!?!  The Hostess web site ( http://www.hostesscakes.com/ ) indicates that approximately 500,000,000 Twinkies are produced each year.  In addition to Twinkies, Hostess has come up with more home runs in the form of Ding Dongs, Cup Cakes, Zingers, and other tasty morsels made from magical ingredients that preserve the snack cakes in pristine condition for years.  I believe Twinkies have a half-life longer than Plutonium 239.  For the record, I want the world to know that I am  not  perso...

This summer, on the Fourth of July weekend I went spelunking.  That’s  cave exploring  for the uninitiated.  This was no ordinary cave we decided to tackle.  My brother and his friend came up from Texas to Idaho so they could join in the adventure.  Six more of my closest friends also came along and I want to give them due credit in this blog.  Their names are Joseph, David and some other guys I can’t recall.  We spent weeks preparing for this expedition.  By “weeks” I mean we thought about how cool this was going to be for weeks, and then we bought some food the morning of the expedition.   Actually, we did have to secure a permit, gather rappelling gear and pack critical supplies like toilet paper.  The plan was to drive to the trailhead just inside the Wyoming border, hike to the entrance of the cave, enter the cave, work our way to a distant exit some 5-7 hours later, hike down the mountain and drive home.  There are fi...

I get a lot of fan mail and comments that stem from my blog entries – upwards of once a week!  Most of the comments are quite positive, but I am not the only commentator.  Sometimes others write comments and emails to me.  Those are often of a correcting, scolding or berating nature.  I’ve asked my family members not to do that anymore.  Just kidding, they rarely read my entries.   One recent reader asked how I get the “inspiration” or ideas for my blog entries.  I just write what the voices in my head tell me to write.  These voices are often quite irrational and annoying.  I may start charging them rent.   I would now like to respond to the more pertinent questions I receive along with other questions that you  should  be asking:   Q:           Are you always so funny in real life? A:            Yes. ...